Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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