i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
