dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
40s are totally the cure
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
