My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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