i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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