If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
its liver damage thursday
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
