All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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