maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Randomize
