hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
sarcasm needs its own font
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
