I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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