Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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