She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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