It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
