we're chasing vodka with high fives
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
