dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
