why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need to calm my uterus...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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