turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just want to make out with him forever
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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