Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You pole danced in your parka.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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