take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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