some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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