I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
