..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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