so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
