he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
