I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
