I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
