I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
