Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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