Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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