A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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