you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
