i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
