Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
