my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
