OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
