so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
