Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
