But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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