Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Who died my cat blue again?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
