Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
