bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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