Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And then my night got REAL pukey
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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