nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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