dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found your dick twin last night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
