You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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