um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
