I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
