i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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