So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I AM VODKA MAN
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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