I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
