the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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