Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
