Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
