Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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