i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
