So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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